RALEIGH - Immediately after brokering the release of two imprisoned journalists in North Korea yesterday, former President Bill Clinton flew from Pyongyang to Mayberry, North Carolina to seek the release of town drunkard Otis Campbell from the local jail.
Mr. Campbell has been incarcerated on an intermittent basis without a trial in violation of international law since 1960. He is often subjected to cruel mental indignities by the town’s deputy sheriff, Bernard ”Barney” Fife. The jail has been condemned repeatedly by Amnesty International due to its lax security and the fact that prisoner meals are prepared off-site by a non-staff spinster aunt of the town’s Sheriff, Andy Taylor.
The White House characterized Clinton’s mission as ”solely a private matter.” President Obama’s spokesman, Robert Gibbs, denied that Obama gave Clinton a private note to pass along to Sheriff Taylor, thanking Taylor and his son, Ron “Opie Taylor” Howard for supporting him in the last election by appearing in a peculiar television commercial.
Clinton is hoping to arrange a meeting with Sheriff Taylor this morning. This afternoon, he hopes to receive fellatio from Sheriff Taylor’s girlfriend, schoolteacher Helen Crump.
This was lifted from "Carbolic Smoke Ball"
(Last night, Craig Ferguson joked that all the White House had to do was ask Bill if he'd be willing to go and pick up a couple girls.)
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